Rabid-Animals wrote:I guess this is as good a place as any to have my first post. Hi, guys! It's great to be in the EGB.
Welcome to the barracks! Let's continue hijacking this thread by mentioning that if you haven't done so, you can create your own introduction thread in this forum, tell us what you will about yourself, and give us the opportunity to abuse you one-on-one...
Now that you're voted in, as the new member you will naturally get the least desired tasks in the EGB - until the next victim....er, minion...no, I meant member, yeah, member - is initiated.
Starting tomorrow, here are your daily task assignments:
1) Daily washing and drying of EagleRock's underwear. They are made of very expensive silk, so these must be hand washed, and allowed to dry by laying flat on your bed. Hopefully, he's over his last bout of "Montezuma's Revenge"
2) Preparing Lunch for the EGB. Each member has their own list of favorites, and some have food allergies. Be especially careful about what you feed SlntCobra1 - he'll eat BBQ pig knuckles, chitlins, grits and homemade apple butter, but must wash it down with chocolate soy drink. Go figure - a redneck with lactose intolerance.
3) Keeping the Kitchen and Common Areas clean at all times. Besides the requisite mopping and sweeping, you will be required to dust each room daily. Coop83 and Fro prefer it if you wear your "alternative uniform" while you dust - that's the little black French Maid thing hanging up in your closet.
4) Oh, and lets not forget keeping the latrine clean. Since only 37% of the members here seem to be able to aim properly, those walls and floors get really sticky really fast. (I use the officer's restroom - that's much cleaner and even has toilet paper in it). I recommend using the HazMat gear while you scrub it down.
5) Finally, you are on "Dud Duty". We use only the finest blammunition in our rifles; each round is handcrafted by the prettiest virgins in Cleveland, Ohio (there's only two). Every once in a while, a round will fail to fire, and it's returned back to the storage bunker. Your job is to take each failed round, lock it in a vise, and tap the bottom with your handy-dandy Home Depot hammer. If the round doesn't fire, it truly is a dud, and we send it back for a refund. But if it does go off...well, just make sure you pay attention to where it's aimed before you test it!
There was also an initiation ceremony that involved various farm animals, midgets, fattening food stuffs, ninjas and power tools, but EagleRock told me I couldn't do that anymore - something about our insurance policy not covering injury during a hazing ritual. That's okay - we'll just abuse you as you go along.
One last thing: what kind of cookies do you like? (hehehehe...)
Welcome aboard, soldier - Now drop and give me 50!
*Salutes*
Now that I got that out of the way, I do have something for 'Cobra. I saw some funny pics as I was trolling Google, and some of them made me think of our favorite redneck. I tossed together a quick animated GIF slideshow - it'll be good for a chuckle or two...
Posted: Wed Jun 23, 2010 9:30 am
